Comparison Is the Thief of Joy

I haven't written in a couple of days, I know. Wednesday we visited Little Monster and left the house by 10am. Yesterday we had play group (finally!) and we left at a quarter to 9. Simply no time to blog! True, I do have time at night once Jr is in bed but I find the morning to be the best writing time.

I've been thinking about jealousy lately. I just don't understand it. The Bible actually has quite a lot to say about jealousy and envy.

For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. - James 3:16

A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.- Proverbs 14:30

 Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. - Song of Solomon 8:6

 Bottom line, jealousy is not good. But we all know that. It's an unpleasant feeling at best and at worst it can tear you up inside -- or as the author of Proverbs put it, make your bones rot.

My feeling is that jealousy is not a sin in and of itself. How can it be a sin when it can catch you completely off guard? It appears almost out of nowhere and slithers into your mind while its tentacles wrap themselves around your heart, squeezing.

No, feeling envious is not a sin. But, like anger, when you act out of jealousy, when you live your life according to these envious thoughts, that's when you're in trouble. Or when you revel in someone else's jealous of you. Time to be concerned.

I think the most troubling part is feeling jealous when you really don't have anything to be jealous about. What I mean is, my life is good. On paper it looks pretty darn close to perfect: married, child, house, two cars, university degree, friends, family... I could go on. So why...?

But I guess it doesn't matter why if it's a natural human response. The question becomes how do you deal with it? I did a little research online and many Christian sites have essentially said, "You're not happy with what God has given you. Be like Jesus." I find this so trite. It's too easy to say and doesn't give good, concrete examples of what being like Jesus would look like in the 21st century.

I did find some good tips elsewhere that while not coming from a Christian website, give clear instructions how to be like Jesus with regards to jealousy:

1. Stop worrying about you all the time: you are not the center of the universe. There are people who are in need of your help, whether physically or emotionally. If you stop putting the focus on yourself all the time, you'll find there is no room for comparison and thus envy. Be a blessing to other people and you will be blessed.
2.  Stop wanting what other people have if you're not willing to go through what they did to get it: I really liked this one. It reminded me of a quote from the movie Friends With Benefits: "Hey, everybody wants a short cut in life. My guide book is very simple. You wanna lose weight? Stop eating, fatty! You wanna make money? Work your ass off, lazy! You wanna be happy? Find someone you like and never let him go."
3.  Start focusing on all that's positive in your life: the actual way to do this is by stopping a jealous thought in its tracks and rewiring your thought process. I learned to do this when I would start worrying. It's so easy to start worrying about one little thing and eventually turning it into a monstrous, overwhelming fear. Same goes for jealousy. You start off by thinking, Wow, their house is so nice, and before you know it you're picking out every possible thing that's wrong with your house to the point that you now might as well live in a cardboard box. Instead, once you get that first thought in your head, either think about something else or put a positive spin on it.

So it's a nice little list of what to do and what not to do. Actually putting it into practice is another matter entirely. Good luck!