Catholic Church Conundrum

Yesterday hubby and I were on our way to church when I saw a sign to sign up for Scouts. I thought to myself, Why would anyone sign up for Scouts when they're not allowing gay men to be Scout leaders? Then I thought, Well that's a bit hypocritical to say when we're on our way to a Catholic church!

My brother once said the same thing to me not long ago. How can I be a part of an organization that doesn't allow women the same rights and privileges as men? And I ask myself, how can I be part of an organization that doesn't give homosexuals the same rights as heterosexuals?

At the time I said that there is no perfect religion and that no matter where I go, there will be something I disagree with. I still adhere to this but somewhat lacking in conviction. I believed that I could still be Catholic and be pro-gay rights. I would show people that not all Catholics were the same. I would change things from the inside. But it's rather a silly notion, isn't it? What can I really change when all the decisions are being made by an old man in Rome? What can I actually change when the old man in Rome will be replaced by another old man, chosen by a boys club?

I don't stay with the Catholic Church because it's what I know. I don't stay with the Catholic Church because it makes my life easier in some respects. I stay because despite the many things I disagree with, there are many things I love. Things I would miss if I left. Things I yearn for when I attend worship services elsewhere.

And then there are Catholics I know whom I admire and respect. They, like me, are "liberal". They, like me, have studied theology. They are here. They stay. Surely there are intelligent, reasonable people within every religious organization, no matter their beliefs, so I don't know if that's really a valid point...

I suppose one of the other reasons I'm feeling this way is attempting to make friends with people at church. All summer hubby and I have been sitting in the back of the church with the other young families and making a point to say hello, introduce ourselves and then talk to them every week. Yesterday no one said hello to us and frankly, I was too tired and suffering from PMS to make the effort. It made me grumpy. Resentful. 

Maybe I'm naive in thinking that Protestant churches are big happy families where each and every member is involved, but I do know that whichever church I've visited -- Pentecostal, United, Evangelical -- more than one person has approached me to say hi and welcome. It would be nice to be a part of a group of people that care about welcoming new people as much as I do, instead of having cliques of the same people who always do everything and therefore end up sticking together.

I don't know. I just don't know.