Moments Between Maulings

   My sister, Malt_Soda, introduced me to The Bloggess. She writes for a living (parenting column, sex advice column and has a book coming out this year), which impresses me to no end. The word that comes to mind when I try to describe her is "quirky". It makes me wonder if I am too boring, too generic, too plain, too goody-goody to be a writer. It seems like famous writers (or even simply published writers) are a balancing act between genius and crazy. She also swears from time to time, which in my mind brings a certain grittiness or down-to-earth-ness in her writing. I don't see myself swearing in my writing, unless it's really called for because sometimes only certain words will do to describe your feelings!

   Anyhow, I'm getting away from myself. The point is, she blogged the other day about her battle with depression. She writes,

When you come out of the grips of a depression there is an incredible relief, but not one you feel allowed to celebrate.  Instead, the feeling of victory is replaced with anxiety that it will happen again, and with shame and vulnerability when you see how your illness affected your family, your work, everything left untouched while you struggled to survive.  We come back to life thinner, paler, weaker…but as survivors.  Survivors who don’t get pats on the back from coworkers who congratulate them on making it.  Survivors who wake to more work than before because their friends and family are exhausted from helping them fight a battle they may not even understand.

Her post the next day explained that she was afraid what the reaction might be to such stark honesty. She was overwhelmed with the positive response and more importantly, a woman who had been contemplating suicide decided to fight instead after reading the blog post and the supportive comments and stories readers shared.

    It's sad that so many people are suffering from depression and its effects but no one talks about it. The psychologist I saw while pregnant explained that when someone has a broken leg they go to a doctor, get a cast and aren't ashamed to talk about it. If someone has a clogged artery, they have surgery and aren't ashamed to talk about it. Unfortunately, because the mind and soul are so complex and invisible, when they're injured or in need of mending, people often don't get help and they certainly don't talk about it. I've heard some people say they don't believe in therapy. It's up to the individual to pull themselves out of whatever slump they're in. Cheer up! Get over it! Buck up! Or worse, people simply ignore the reality. They ignore the fact that he/she is sleeping more than 10 hours a day. They ignore the fact that he/she isn't leaving the house anymore. They ignore the fact that he/she doesn't go out with friends anymore or even have friends anymore.

     When I blogged awhile back during the 30 day writing challenge, one of the topics was a moment when I thought about ending my life. It was difficult and despite what I've just written, I was embarrassed and worried what people would think or say. My brother was surprised I wrote about it because my name was attached to this blog. It wasn't like I was anonymous. My mom was proud of me but it also brought back a lot of painful memories, as it did for my hubby. But no one else said anything. It's still an awkward subject. The Bloggess has the blessing of being a much-followed writer. When someone even the tiniest bit famous admits to depression, people tend to have an easier time opening up and saying, "me too!" But for the rest of us Dull Normals, it's easy to see why we keep quiet.

    I know that I am susceptible to depression. I know it will always be something I have to deal with, not only because I get the blues easily but because it has a firm foothold in my past. I can't erase what happened or pretend it didn't happen. I can only move on from here and hope that while I might be alone in saying "I battle with depression", my words might comfort someone someday.

I see…a girl who has won a battle.  A girl who appreciates those moments between maulings.  A girl who knows all too well the dangers and pain around her but who has made a conscious and complete decision to be furiously happy in spite of it all. ~ The Bloggess