Baby Musings

    Yesterday hubby and I hosted dinner for my side of the family. We also celebrated my niece's 4th birthday. She's still at that age when she gets really excited about her birthday. She had asked for a purple cake with the Disney princesses holding hands (very specific!). My mom's co-worker makes cakes semi-professionally so she created a chocolate cake shaped like a heart with deep purple icing. The pièce de résistance was the Disney princess tiara on top! (When my sister uploads the photos I will post one of it.) The look on Little K's face as I set it down in front of her while we sang "Happy Birthday" was priceless. She lit up like one of the candles on her cake! Happy birthday Little K!

    I have been thinking more and more about having another baby. It's not something that will happen in the near future. I would prefer to live in a house with three bedrooms on the same floor so that Jr. and the new addition don't have to share a room. This in itself will push things back awhile. Hubby is not looking forward to moving. Neither am I but it's something I feel strongly about and I'm willing to wait however long necessary. Anyhow, I know that I want to have another one but I still have some niggling worries. I think I'm subconsciously trying to convince myself that since we had such a hard time with Jr. the next one will be much easier. He/she can't be any worse, right??? (She asked desperately.) I visit the Fussy Baby quite often and when I read about how tough some moms have it, I think, At least things aren't that bad. But what if Baby #2 is that bad?? Jr. is finally coming out of that awful "phase". Why would I risk going through that again? One of hubby's old co-workers recently had a little girl. She's only a few weeks old but she's already sleeping three hours at a time. They sent us a photo of mom and baby and the mom looks like a supermodel compared to how I felt when Jr. was the same age. It makes me a little bitter, a little envious, a little mad, a little bit of everything when I hear new parents having an easier time of it than hubby and I did. I'm happy for them too, because I wouldn't wish those survival-mode times on anyone. Just the same, I think, "Why didn't we get that? Why didn't we get a baby who was happy and sleeping and eating? 

     So then I think, The next one. Yup, the next one will be a dream. But if it isn't. If he/she is just like Jr., or worse...what then?