Ups and Downs

I recently watched Parenthood (the movie, not the TV show) and one of my favorite parts is when Gil, father to three young children with another on the way, complains about the uncertainty and complications of life. His grandma wanders into the room:

Grandma: You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster.
Gil: Oh?
Grandma: Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride!
Gil: What a great story.
Grandma: I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it. 

Life is definitely a roller coaster. Even if you want life to be merry-go-round, chances are it won't happen that way. 

I remember reading somewhere or hearing somewhere that life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. Most of the time you can't stop things from happening. Life is messy. And as soon as you're in relationship with other people, it's bound to become complicated.

When I was in elementary school, I just wanted to be liked. I was willing to go along with the crowd, so long as it meant I was in the crowd.

When I was in high school, I just wanted to keep my close group of friends. I was fiercely protective, even if it meant looking like a bitch to everyone else.

When I was in college, I learned the difficult lesson that not all people are meant to be friends and not all friends are meant to be lifelong friends.

When I was in university, I clung to my hubby because I didn't want any other friends.

Now I'm at the point where I have more confidence in myself. I understand myself better. I don't need to do anything or say anything that isn't "me" in order to have friends. I don't need to be a bitch to self-protect. I don't need to keep myself isolated in the hopes of avoiding friendship drama, because now I know I can deal with the good and the bad.

See how life changes? See how I change?

Up and down. Up and down. 

Some don't like it.

They can ride the merry-go-round.