Wives First

      I remember my mom saying that my dad came before us kids. I didn't understand this at the time and my feelings were hurt. Instead of taking the time to think about it, I just heard I wasn't the most important person in my mom's life. No one wants to hear that! But like most things in life, this started to make sense while I was dating my husband and particularly after we got married. The test, though, is now that we have a child. It's easy to put each other first when we're the only two in the house. It's far more difficult when a baby demands to be put first.

Awhile back my mom sent an article to me, my sisters and my sister-in-law about this subject:

The best moms are are actually wives first. One of a mom's primary jobs is to be a role model to her daughters, to teach them what matters most in life. If that role model fails to nurture and nourish the marriage as a foundational support of the family, how will those daughters learn to be godly moms themselves?

When you put your marriage first, you're serving your kids; when you neglect your marriage, even if it's time to spend with your kids, you're actually hurting them.

         My mom always said you don't raise kids for yourself, to keep at home forever. You raise them to be independent and self-sufficient. One day your kids will set off on their own and you will be left alone again with your husband, so you had better taken care of your marriage! Otherwise you will end up with a stranger, with nothing to keep you together anymore. I think that's sound advice. How many marriages have I seen or heard of that are unhappy or have ended right after the kids have grown up and gone?

      Right now hubby and I are enjoying more and more time together. Jr. goes to bed between 6 and 7pm so we have a good chunk of time to watch a movie, play a board game, or even better have sex! This is definitely helping us remember the couple we used to be pre-Jr. 

    When she's awake it's a different story. One good example is going to church. We used to serve together on the altar; it was very meaningful for us, particularly doing it together as a married couple. We just restarted last weekend except that now one of us sits in the pew with Jr. while the other one serves alone. I want to serve again because I enjoy it and I think it's important for Jr. to see us involved at church but it's still a little sad that we're not together as a family during Mass all the time.

  I wonder what things are going to be like as Jr. gets older, as her needs and wants change. I hope that we'll always remember to put each other first, whatever happens, so that Jr. will see the kind of relationship we hope for her.