Last night I went to dinner with one of my girlfriends. We used to work together when I was still in university. Actually, there were four of us who worked together. I invited the three of them to my wedding and from that time on we saw each other at least once a month. In the summertime we would get together almost every week for walks and at Christmas we would have a fancy dinner and exchange gifts. And then one of the girls stopped coming. She frequently declined invitations to go out until eventually, we stopped asking. It was sad and we didn't understand what had happened and despite numerous attempts to find out what was wrong, she wouldn't talk to us.
And then there were three. Again, we saw each other at least once a month, celebrating birthdays and special occasions like when I finished my Masters degree and when one of the other girls passed the bar. And then right after I got pregnant, one of the other girls stopped coming to dinner. There was this, that and the other thing going on so she couldn't make it. Then I had Jr.; I sent everyone a photo with her stats and that one friend sent a simple congratulations. We haven't heard from her since, despite trying to reconnect with her.
And then there were two.
This is why I don't have girlfriends. I shouldn't say that. I have a friend who I worked with as a TA. We still see each other from time to time because we both have a little girl. I also have a friend who became my friend because her husband and my husband are good friends. It's fortunate that we get along so well but I don't count her as "mine" so to speak because she's part of a couple. It's rare that we go out together alone. My friend from last night is just for me, if that makes any sense.
Anyhow, it took me a long time to realize that I didn't need a girl best friend. This may sound callous, this may sound pessimistic, but in the end, every girl friend I've had has disappointed me in the end. Either they've disappeared from my life or they've thought less of our friendship than I did (obvious from their actions or rather, inaction). When I came to this realization, I avoided making friends. It's not a great philosophy and maybe it's not very fair; I'm not giving people a chance. But I don't need many friends for a fulfilling life. In fact, since I've "cut back" on friends, I find myself happier and more at peace with life.
I think part of this is me. I hate confrontation. So rather than tell them straight out that they're hurting my feelings or that they've disappointed me, I'd rather let them disappear or let the relationship eventually fade away. No confrontation = no anxiety!
My hubby said, "But I'm your best friend and you tell me when I've hurt you." True. But I know that pretty much no matter what I say, at the end of the day, we'll still be married, we'll still be best friends. It's not true with girls.
I pray that my friend from last night doesn't fade from my life. She's a great person. She's genuine. She listens when you're speaking. She doesn't just say the right things, she actually means them.
But whatever happens, I know that I'll always have my sisters, who can't get rid of me because we're related, my mom, who I talk to about everything (just ask hubby--"I think I'm going to ask my mom..."), and my husband, who can't get rid of me because I'll hunt him down and find him! :)
I feel the same way!
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