My Drug of Choice

     I love food. I eat when I'm happy. I eat when I'm unhappy. I eat when I'm stressed. I eat when I'm lonely. I eat, I eat, I eat. It's amazing to me that I'm not 500 pounds by now. Unfortunately, my hubby loves food as much as me. We thoroughly enjoyed going out to eat. Good company, good food! There's nothing like it. Of course, the person you're eating with can make just about any food taste great. I remember when hubby and I started dating and we went for breakfast. Sure, breakfast is my favorite meal but I still remember that particular breakfast as one of the best meals of my life. But I digress.

   I've always been taller than average so luckily my weight usually distributes itself quite nicely everywhere. Lately, however, not so much. I worked so hard two years ago to lose some weight. I went to a nutritionist once a week for a year. I exercised everyday for an hour. I went to aqua fitness twice a week. I wrote down everything I ate, making sure I had the correct serving of vegetables and fruits, enough protein, enough dairy. Do you know how much I lost?? 10 pounds. That's it. Over an entire year, 10 pounds. This is not to say that was a waste of time. My body shape changed. Clothes fit better. My skin cleared up. More importantly, my confidence soared. Also, the time it took me to get it off is the amount of time it took me to gain it back.

     But with baby here, I eat terribly. Whatever's quick. Whatever I don't have to cook. I've gained back so much weight.

     When hubby and I tried to get pregnant, I discovered I had polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). One of the symptoms is difficulty losing weight or keeping weight off. LOVELY. How is this fair?? My siblings are all naturally thin, petite people. Me? Not so much. My siblings can eat pretty much anything they want. Me? Not so much. My hubby and I, we do everything together, including gaining weight easily.

     I was so proud when I only gained 25 pounds when I was pregnant. How is it possible that I now weigh as much as I did when I was 7 months pregnant??

     Stop eating, you say. Put down the chocolate bar, you say. Ha! If only it were so easy. The nutritionist I was seeing at the time once said that junk food is literally like a drug. There are chemicals in processed food that will make you crave more. I am basically a junkie. McDonald's is my drug of choice right now.

    And if I see one more person pin Kate Moss' quote, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" I will scream.

     I don't know what to do. Motivation and will power only get me so far. I'm bitter that this is a battle I will always face. So what to do? The only thing I know how to do: pray.