The Bigger Picture

      We haven't been to our church in almost a month. First, we were in Winnipeg for my Granddad's funeral. The next weekend we were running late so we attended a French parish closer to our home. Then it was Thanksgiving and we were up at my in-law's cottage. So this week I promised myself that we would get there come hell or high water. God has a sense of humor, I kid you not.

After a not so great night, I brought our baby into bed with us and she miraculously slept for an extra two hours. So when I saw the time was 9am and we had to leave at 10:30am, I knew we would have to rush. I had breakfast while my hubby changed her diaper. Then I jumped in the shower while he fed her breakfast. Then I dressed her and packed her things while he showered. Then we put her down for a nap while we both scrambled to get ready, nixing various items from our wardrobes until we settled on something we both liked on each other. By the time I was putting on my make-up at 10:28am, she was already crying. Crying because she had just taken the most massive crap (excuse the expression) ever. Poop on her dress. Poop on her stockings. Poop on the crib sheet. I looked up to the ceiling and let out a loud "ARGH!" And then I remembered I forgot to brush my teeth. And put on deodorant. And... then I took a breath and said, "What is God trying to teach us here?" Either it's "get up earlier" or that missing church is not the end of the world. I'm going with #2 (no pun intended) on this one. God knows we have a six month old. He knows that poop happens (pun intended). He knows that our faith isn't diminished or lacking because we're having trouble making it to church.

     I visited the Ask Moxie blog this morning and she had a link to Notes From A Dragon Mom, about a mom who's 18 month old son, Ronan, is suffering from Tay-Sachs. This means that before his 3rd birthday, he will experience seizures, lose all of his senses and eventually succomb to a vegetative state and die. When you read something like this, it takes your breath away. It confirms what that little voice inside you has been whispering to you all along: let go of trying to control every instant of your child's life. Let go of the desire to make everything perfect, to be the perfect mom, to have the answer to every problem.

My baby still isn't sleeping through the night. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing something wrong or that this is insurmountable. Circumstances like this morning and babies like Ronan bring it all into perspective.

As surely as you live, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the LORD. I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give this child to the LORD. This child's whole life will be given over to the LORD. ~ 1 Samuel 1:25-28